The year was 1998. It was my first visit to the town of Puttaparthi, the name which I'd only heard of vaguely. 'Sai Baba', the man with big hair as I described him when I was young, lived there. I'd only seen him in one photograph, with my grandparents also in it and it was always in the the living room of their house. Everytime I asked about him, my grandpa would just tell me, he's Baba. I do not remember anything more than that.
Subsequently, I started witnessing miracles in my aunt's house. Vibhuti coming out from calendars and photos, honey from shirdi baba's idol, rings materialising in a cup of vibhuti began to occur regularly. It was a very different vibration and I was intrigued but all I did was witness them.
I had just entered my teens and I was still naïve. It was Christmas time and mom's brothers were visiting Bangalore on vacation. It was an amazing time for my sister and me specially since we got to spend time with my cousin, whom both of us just adored. Amidst all the fun and frolly , my parents and uncles planned this trip of visiting Baba on Christmas and suddenly (for me), we were going on a picnic. We drove down a day before christmas and reached Parthi a few hours later. Frankly, I did not have the slightest idea of anything and hence did not know what to expect.
I first entered the ashram in Parthi during the wee hrs of Christmas in 1998 . It was completely different and beautiful. It was a feeling of peace but of a different kind. There were thousands of people around me, yet silence prevailed. No one spoke aloud. As I neared the marvelously decorated hall, I could hear bhajans and chants which had begun much earlier. We were taken to our places and seated in the '2nd row' by one of the volunteers and we just joined the thousands who were singing and praying. A couple of hours later when the sun was up, the hall was full and was echoing with melodious bhajans. The joy of Christmas was not only seen but also felt everywhere. Suddenly the volume of the bhajans mellowed down and everyone was hustling around. Looking in the same direction as others , I saw Baba for the first time, slowly walking in through a gate, looking graciously divine and smiling at the people around him, blessing them, waving his hand and collecting letters which people had written. The world around me fell silent all of a sudden. There were thousands of people yet I heard or saw no one. I felt at ease, I felt content, I felt happy.. just by looking at one face. Before I could realise anything more, the white robed figure stood right in front of me. I just found myself being pulled towards him and all I did was bend and touch his feet.. I don't remember what happened after that.. I came back to my senses and just felt normal. That was the first time I actually felt blessed.
Years passed , and my faith in Swami just grew everyday. Each experience, each miracle, each lesson pulled me towards Him. Over the years , I have had an ocean of experiences, each different from the other. Every joy, every learning was attributed to him. Bhajans, His teachings gave me a solace. All decisions in this phase of my life, whether it was to purchase something, travel some where or start a new job, even my higher studies were driven by his blessings and I thank him for guiding me through each one of them. He helped me cruise through times of hardship, never allowed me to give up hope. His teachings instilled a growing sense of confidence. Every miracle I witness gives me goose-bumps even to this day.
When I went back to India last christmas, I had a very strong urge to go see Swami and I was adamant about it. A couple of days before heading back, my parents, aunt and I went to Parthi. As I entered the town, I realised, it was still the same. Nothing had changed in 10 years. The people were as friendly , the environment was peaceful. We decided to stay inside the ashram and we did manage to get one room inspite of the crowd. The ashram was totally serene and I felt the same peace when I had come the last time. After a lot of anxious moments which somehow never seemed to go by, I finally found myself walking rather excitedly towards the bhajan hall. I was excited to see Swami after 10 years, excited to go through the feeling once again, excited to see a miracle, excited to go through that bliss. Again, the Bhajans had begun and people were beginning to settle down. We were taken to our places by the volunteer and we sat down, almost at the same place as earlier. There were a lot of speculations about what time Swami would come for darshan, whether or not he would come at all, since he had stopped giving darshan in the morning and would rarely come in the evening. After nearly 3 hours of being seated, we finally got the news that Swami was coming for darshan and he did. This time though, he was in a car.
I saw Him, he'd grown old, he looked weaker, he'd shrunk, but he still had the glow in his eyes and he still had the gentle warm smile on his face. He looked the same. I couldn't hold back my tears but I found myself shivering.. why, I have no answer. The car passed by and I had a wonderful darshan. Swami went on to the dias and after some more bhajans, the aarti was given. Barely 20 minutes and he was ready to leave. The car reversed and he started moving towards it. Though I was hoping that I would be able to see him closely, I was beginning to tell myself that I had seen Him and that itself was my blessing. We kept praying for a miracle to happen and in the end... it did. Swami had almost gone inside the car, but suddenly the wheelchair turned and started descending the dias towards the public. I was shell shocked. It was indeed a miracle.He started coming in our direction and I was constanly thanking him that I would finally see him thoroughly. And then another miracle happened. Swami did not stop anywhere along the way, instead, he came straight towards us and stopped right in front. I just couldnt believe my eyes, everything around me fell silent once again. I could see or hear no one. I didn't know what was happening but I could only see Swami and could feel a very strong vibration. I didn't know or realise how long he was there, but after a while, he just headed towards the exit. He stopped no where else...
It took me a long time to come out of the trance and I remember being quiet for several hours after that. We left Parthi the next day and went back home. Little did I realise that it was the last time I was seeing him in human form. 3 and a half months later, I sit here far away from him, yet so close. 24th April 2011, He's no longer with us as a mortal. It is a very strange and a confused feeling. Swami always asked us not to be attached to the 'body' instead follow his teachings and serve people. It is very painful to think about not seeing him around when I go to Parthi the next time. But then, I do have confidence that he is still around, with us and in us. He will continue to be there all the time. We just need to have our faith steady.
A bhajan meet was held in my aunt's place, in Bangalore and the after all the Bhajans, Swami showed his presence. Lots of vibrations, lots of vibhuti and lots of blessings. It does give a sense of reassurance. My mom sent me a little thought that was read out in the prayer meet that evening. In the words of Swami, the message read :
From My own self this Universe is born.
I create a movement while remaining stationed in My Truth and this Movement projects Myself as the many. In all this "many" I alone do, I alone create, I alone destroy. To me no one is the other..no one is close or far.....no one is mine nor not mine....all are the same whatever their form.....what ever their function.....I am fully immersed in them. From the most intelligent to the stone can all exhibit My presence if I will it to be. I am beyond the intellect,beyond emotion,beyond thought and beyond love any one's body,mind,heart and intellect can ever experience. Whatever you experience is a minute glimpse of My expansiveness.
Don't cry.....don't ever fear. Instead, have faith always in what I have said to you. I am simply indestructible....I have come for your sake and I will never leave you. I am always at work for you alone. You are My breath,You are the reason why I have taken upon myself a mortal body......You are the reason of joy...You are my children and I am always your mother. I will never never let any harm come upon you........and I will never never take away Myself from you. I have come to spend every moment to love you and show you the reality of your own self.
The name of The Divine,when chanted,frees the negative energy that continuously hovers over the world today. I am always in bliss even when my body undergoes turmoil. I do not feel pain......I only think of you and your safety. You remember me most in times of trouble. But how can I give you trouble? I am your mother. I always care for your welfare. When I see one tear in your eyes I rush to be by your side. I am always with you but you are not able to see Me for your eyes look for this world.
You are nothing but me. To drive away negative energy you must always remember the name of God. When you remember Me and pray to me all the troubles that you and your loved ones are about to face are washed out.
As for me the ailment of this body is nothing. You endure pain when you see Me like this and from it you derive strength to pray,love,unite and do the right things. That is all that I want for your sake. Your peace lies in goodness alone.
Don't worry about me. Remember, I am always with you. You are my breath. I will continue to live in this body for my children. Even the brothers and sisters who fight come together when the Mother's body is unwell. That is why I have taken this sickness upon me to see you all united with love for each other,with complete unity faith that you are under the umbrella of My protection.
I Bless you.........now and for ever.”
My faith continues to grow stronger and I know He's with us.
Sai Ram
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